Things About ME You Need to Know

So many people have been asking personal questions about ME that I thought it was only fair to satisfy their deepest yearnings since, as a rescue dog, much of my early life is unknown to my fans.  Without too much fanfare, here are some things that my public wants to know:

1. I love to lick Skippy’s (my fur sibling) ears. I will do it for as long as she will let me. Why? See number 2 below.
2. During one of my moments of insanity I bit off the end of Skippy’s ear. Maybe that is why I lick them, to try to make it up to her. Or not.
3. I have won numerous karaoke tournaments. And why not! Who doesn’t enjoy my rendition of “Old Man River”?
4. I have a Ph.D. in Escapology from Cal Tech. Scientists from around the world have studied my technique and I have been the subject of many articles published in international scientific journals. My own studies have been published in “Fancy Dog” magazine and I am on retainer as a consultant to Homeland Security.
5. My pink collar says “Bitch” on it. Am I the only one who doesn’t think that’s funny?
6. I am mastering the art of the Smarl. Doesn’t my picture prove it?
7. I eat paper. Any paper will do. Used Kleenex is my paper of choice.
8. I insist on sleeping under the covers. It is my birthright. I do not negotiate. And when I am under the covers you will not touch me. If you touch me I will lick your feet to death. I am not kidding.